A New Decade....

Hmm. Where to begin. The last time I blogged, my life was in the midst of turning upside down and inside out. Or maybe it was about to, I'm not sure...I lost track.

Anyhow, since we last talked I've lost a loved one, lost someone who I thought I was going to spend my life with, lost confidence in my students, caught my students in life threatening behavior, had to endure Madagascar hissing cockroaches in my room for 2 weeks, lost 20 pounds, lost my 20s and became a 30yr old, moved, turned down a proposal, was there for a birth, and many other interesting events. Needless to say, my life has been busy.

There were more overwhelming moments than I can count. I think, though, that because I had several major events occuring at one time, I was forced to suck it up and deal with it. And I'm proud to say thats what I did. I honestly have no idea how I made it thru the past 3 months.

But now, I'm settled into my new place, I'm reviewing my students for their state assessment in 2 weeks, I've found a light at the end of the tunnel that was one part of my job and I feel healthier and better about myself than I have in years.

Former BF ended our relationship in January and although it was difficult to understand at the time, I quickly understood, accepted and moved on. Unfortunately for the both of us, he later regretted his decision and that has made the past 2 months very challenging. I'm finally in a place where I realize it is in my best interest to move forward without him in my life....even as a friend. Hopefully I'll get past the sadness that is associated with that decision as I'd hoped to retain that friendship.

I wish I could sit here and spew motivational and inspirational thoughts about how gods greatest gifts are unanswered prayers. But at this point...I'm not looking forward, I'm not looking backwards...I'm here in the present and for this day, thats good enough for me.

I can say that I have never loved my friends and family so much. They supported me without smothering me, loved me without judging me and encouraged me without telling me lies. I am one lucky 30 year old.

Love

Loss my grandmother last night. I was somewhat prepared but I was prepared for a month from now, 2 weeks from now....I could put off those feelings because I still had time. I wasn't prepared for last night. Yesterday was supposed to be the beginning of the end....not the end.

She was the poster child for love...maternal, eternal, unconditional. She survived for over 10 years after she lost her greatest love. I would love to be there to see that reunion, what an amazing moment. That is the only thought that can get me thru.

I thought writing would help but it doesn't...nothing does. For once, I'm at a loss for words and I know words won't make it better. My only comfort is that the last thing I told her was "I love you Granny, I'll see you soon." and after a day of no words from her, she smiled and said "I love you sweetheart."