Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Register This....

I'm at the age of transition. Friends have pretty much stopped graduating and are now transitioning into promotions, first houses, engagements, marriages and children.

And then there's me.

Now don't get me wrong, I love my life. But I can't help but feel like it doesn't measure up to others standards because I seem to be standing still in a world of movement. It seems that my summer months are measured by the events of celebration for my friends. I relate my plans for the month with what wedding, shower, housewarming or other party I'm attending.

While I love celebrating anyone and everyone, I will be the first to admit that I'm getting a little tired of the questions/statements:

"when is it going to be your turn?" (seriously, do you think i have the answer to that?)
"you're next!" (F-off)
"are you jealous?" (now this one might produce a slap if stated again"

and my favorite, stated to me this past September:

"you know, honey, if you don't know where it's going after two years, it's not going anywhere" (if she didn't look exactly like the 2 pigs fighting in a blanket reference from Steel Magnolias, the cops would've been called)

I know that these questions aren't intended to upset my stomach or cause me to grit my teeth and escape as quickly as possible but regardless, these are moments of pure stupidity.

The way I see it, every boss, homeowner, fiance, spouse or parent has, at one time in their life, been in my shoes. Why then, do they forget the way they felt in my shoes and throw away any regard for others feelings?

British novelists refer us as "singletons" and Carrie Bradshaw illustrated the miles that separate the single from the married. There are books, columns, movies, etc explaining how stupid you look when you become the person who asks the above questions.

This past weekend, while at yet another wedding, I was once again asked, "So, do you think you guys will get married soon?" The non-sober me responded without skipping a beat and said, "Nah, I don't care about getting married. I'm just hoping he'll knock me up soon. IN MY BELLY BABY, GET IN MY BELLY."

um...yeah. Not exactly the proudest moment in my life and it was definitely encouraged by the six adult beverages that I'd consumed. But I have to say...the look on their faces of confusion, shock, amusement and pity....well, it was priceless. And I think I'll use it as my token response when provoked (minus the "in my belly" part).

Understand this people, just because I do not have an open registry at Bed, Bath and Beyond or other such stores, I am not less of a person, less accomplished or less happy in my life. BELIEVE ME...If I have news to report, I will be sure that you know about it.

So when you feel the urge to ask me those 'when are you transitioning' questions....why dont you instead try asing me about my dog, my cat, my cooking, my gardening, Texas Longhorns, the weather, my job, my friends, my family, or any of the other great aspects of my life.

Thanks.

Monday, April 28, 2008

"Cooler Than" Mike the LSU Tiger

On our recent trip to the Bayou state, we had the opportunity to visit a rival campus, Louisiana State University.

I'll admit that I've been annoyed with LSU lately, it just pisses me off that they've been successful in sports.

But all grudges aside, it was a beautiful campus complete with history, lakes, mossy trees and my favorite...Mike.

When we checked into our hotel, I told the front desk lady that we wanted to go see the tiger and she responded "Oh! Mike!" As if Mike is a celebrity!

Mike is pretty darned cool. And the coolest thing? Mike has balls. No, not that kind...the kind that cats play with and chase. These were huge balls (stop it) and even though Mike was asleep in the corner, on his back with his feet in the air and paws curled...I could picture him chasing the balls and running around. It made me want to grow an acre full of catnip just for him.

I'll never waiver from my love for Bevo, but Mike....well he's just a cool cat.

A child of the 80s.

I was born in the 80s, 1980 to be exact, and I've considered myself an 80s kid. The 80s were the beginning of my life and will always be my starting point. I always thought that 80s either referred to a decade of my beginning or an age of the elderly.

Today, I read something that made me appreciate a completely different 80s. And instead of being a time in life when one is aging and nearing the end, I learned today that it can also be a new beginning.

This is from www.dallasnews.com and I hope it makes you smile too.

Vickie McKillip of Carrollton: The Ancient Marriager
12:00 AM CDT on Sunday, April 27, 2008

This wedding certainly broke a lot of time-honored traditions. Nobody wrote on the getaway car. No hopeful bridesmaid caught the bouquet. There was definitely no dancing. But the bride did wear white. And gray. And her dress was pretty, too.

Two families became inextricably joined on April 19 when my father-in-law, Jim McKillip, married Elvera Long and began a new chapter in his life. At age 82.

Whirlwind romance is not a phrase usually associated with an octogenarian, but that fact doesn't seem to bother Jim. Although their first conversation consisted of emphatic declarations about their intentions to remain single, it quickly became apparent that God had other plans for the two of them. Plans even they had a hard time believing.

They met in a grief recovery program at their church; each had been in decades-long marriages that ended when debilitating illnesses took the lives of their spouses. Before long, much to their surprise, they began a short, but intense, courtship that culminated in a ring and a wedding date. When they asked their young preacher to perform the ceremony (his first), he posed the question all ministers should ask engaged couples: What about marriage counseling? Smiling broadly, they agreed that they would provide any counseling he might need based on lessons learned from their combined 120 years of marital history.

I can't deny that eyebrows were raised when Jim first mentioned his new girlfriend. And jaws dropped when he announced that their feelings were at a "simmer, on the way to a full boil." But then we met this very soft-spoken, dignified grandmother, a true Southern beauty, and our doubts faded. Soon, we stopped dwelling on the strangeness of it all and began focusing on all the weird but wonderful twists life was throwing our way.

Advances in geriatric health care in recent years have resulted in longer, healthier lives for older Americans. And in increasing numbers, they are electing not to lead those lives alone. Marriage in the golden years is becoming more and more common, particularly among those who, like Jim and Elvera, have previously been in long, happy marriages that they would like to replicate.

There have been a few surreal moments along the way. They didn't want a civil ceremony in front of a justice of the peace, so a small wedding that would accommodate the extended family members – all 100 of them – had to be planned and executed.

It dawned cloudless and hot, but breezy. Kids, grandkids, nieces, nephews and cousins scurried around in varying degrees of hurried distress, determined to honor the unlikely but happy couple. Jim and Elvera, though, remained completely unflappable, holding hands and sipping coffee among the dozens of daisies, hundreds of lemons and limes (for centerpieces), and gauzy gold material that refused to stay attractively arranged on the reception tables. At 5 p.m., all eyes were on the bride as she walked slowly down the backyard steps and into her new life as a McKillip. At age 78.

But again, throwing tradition aside, there were very few tears shed: Seeing that love and commitment are alive and well, even when knees are creaky or the eyesight is going, is an unimaginably joyful event for those who witness it.

Current societal trends indicate that the divorce rate continues to hover between 40 and 50 percent, a figure that can turn even the most determined romantics into cynical doubters. But then there are the Jims and the Elveras among us, who not only loved their first spouses long and well, but love the idea of marriage so much that they are willing and eager to commit to the ancient institution again. What an honor it was to be a part of such a glorious, unlikely event. And how fervently we hope for many more years of happiness for both of them.

Vickie McKillip of Carrollton is an administrative assistant at her church and a Community Voices volunteer columnist. Her e-mail address is rvmckillip@verizon.net.

Sunday, April 27, 2008

BaTON Rouge

So we ventured to the great state of Louisiana this weekend for a friends wedding. We ended up having a great weekend but our Day 1 was....um...how should i say...frightening? We got a little lost in Alexandria, LA and the only thing I can say to describe it is that it reminded us a lot of this:

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

planes, trains and automobiles

okay, i'm not too proud to admit that when i typed the title for this blog, i typed "plains, trains and automobiles" shows you how long it's been since i've taken a vacation.

Fasten your seat belts people! I'm headed to the big apple!

We booked our flight last night and began the unbearable task of deciding which rewards points whores we wanted to be. (sorry mom)

Being a local, I don't get out much. With the exception of the trip to Austin, Waco or anywhere else that I can feasibly drive without going insane; I haven't traveled in ages! I'm so excited to go on a vacation but seriously, how do you decide hotels?
Marriot reward, Hilton Honors, Hyatt Rewards, Starwood Hotel points and thats just hotels!!! I haven't even thought about frequent flyer miles because I fly so infrequently that they end up expiring before I can use them. And you can get bonus points thru airline, dinner, hotel, rental car, shopping, credit cards and selling your first born.

So here's what I'm offering you people. Let me know what ya got...points, miles, credits, babies....whatever you want to trade. I need some free travel and I need it quick!

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Reality Me

If you ask Ryan, one of the things that annoys him the most about me is that I absolutely love reality tv. Seriously. There are a few that I'm not on the wagon for (Survivor, Amazing Race, ANTM) but I have watched at least a season of those.

He loves to tell the story of the night I was watching Big Brother and when it was over I asked him what he wanted to watch. To which he said "I don't care, anything but reality tv." Without thinking about it, I selected the Real World on MTV. He had an outburst of part laughter/part fear when he realized what an idiot I can be as it didn't even occur to me that it wasn't reality tv. I don't view it as reality tv, I view it as GREAT tv!

I've noticed that I have so many friends who are also facing this addiction. There are no support groups (with the exception of Lincee's recaps *see link on the side*), there are no patches, no 12 step programs to help you weane yourself off of reality tv. And I fear that this addiction will grow or at least maintain this level until the networks pull them all together.

I fear and anticipate that day. It's a love-hate thing.

I was driving back from lunch today pondering this subject. I often do this when I'm indulging in a bubble tea because I feel that they are oh-so-stimulating. I digress.

I've decided that those of us who adore reality tv are, in fact, bored with the day to day. There are very few opportunities to scream "no way" "omg" "no she di-int" and other sighs, gasps, etc. I'm not a fan of the horror movie, my friends and I are at the age where dramatic episodes in our lives is fewer and farther between. (Although we did have the cops called on us at the golf course this weekend but thats another story).

So on the whole, my life is pretty normal. And the more normal I've become (yes, i'm aware that my self proclaimed normalcy is debatable) the more I seek out the abnormal. I love to shriek with laughter, gasp is horror, and hide my face behind my pillow because it's so akward or uncomfortable. I don't want it in my day to day life but I do want it as part of my evening entertainment.

So, until I get married, have kids and have real life "a-ha" or "no way" moments of my own, I will continue to bask in the beauty of the somewhat real life moments on tv.

And for the record. I think Shayne "monkey" will win The Bachelor, Ryan will win Big Brother, I didn't want Ali to win Biggest Loser but I knew she would, Paradise Hotel 2 has gotten lame, I can't wait to see Ste-ven come back to The Hills and I would a subscriber fee to watch another season of Temptation Island!

Monday, April 21, 2008

dwarf in the bathroom

Remember the scene in Snow White when the dwarfs are whistling while using a pick axe and singing "whistle while you work, dee da do da do da dee?"

Well that scene is replayed on a daily basis in the men's restroom at my office. How do I know this? No, I have not wandered in the wrong gender's potty, I have learned of this occurence because either the walls are too thin or the whistling is too loud.

This is extremely amusing and odd at the same time.

I tend to think that people whistle when they are enjoying themselves. Do I need to go there? What are you doing in the public mens room that is enjoyable?

It will be a goal of mine to learn the identity of the mysterious 8th dwarf in my office. Maybe its talky, angry, wierdy, smelly, annoyee, lazy or loudy? Only time will tell....

Until then, try whistling in the potty...see what kind of reactions you get.

Friday, April 18, 2008

New Phobia

I was looking through a list of phobias for the title of this blog and determined that there is no phobia listed for the fear of salespeople. There were some pretty funny ones that I thought you would enjoy:

Allodoxaphobia- Fear of opinions.
Arachibutyrophobia- Fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of the mouth.
Bolshephobia- Fear of Bolsheviks.
Coprastasophobia- Fear of constipation.
Levophobia- Fear of things to the left side of the body.
Medorthophobia- Fear of an erect penis.
Novercaphobia- Fear of your step-mother.
Oenophobia- Fear of wines. (that is just wrong)
Papaphobia- Fear of the Pope.
Proctophobia- Fear of rectums.
Venustraphobia- Fear of beautiful women.
Walloonphobia- Fear of the Walloons. (what?)


So I've created a new one: Soldophobia

I recently volunteered with my company to spend my Saturday working for charity. We were giving tours of these incredible playhouses (some 2 story) that were being raffled off for charity (to build a hospital for children without insurance). The raffle tickets were $3 each.

So, we sat at our table and watched as these children ran up, wide eyed, and so excited to see these playhouses of their dreams. Most of the parents followed, let them look in the houses and the majority purchased at least a single raffle ticket.

But then there are the crazies.

These are the parents that either A) chased their children, grabbed their arms and quickly snatched them up as if they were about to run into a burning building B) covered their children's eyes or diverted their attention so that they didn't see the playhouses C) Completely ignored me when I said "hey do you guys want to come check out these cool playhouses? It's free! We just want you to vote on which is your favorite!" D) Looked at me like I had a third arm coming out of my forehead and was obviously the dumbest person on the planet for even thinking that I had the right to invade their ears with the idea that they would stoop low enough to participate in my little scheme.

Who are these people? I'll tell you who they are. These are the same people that keep their porch light off on Halloween and pretend they aren't home when a trick-or-treater rings their doorbell. (We know you're home, dude, we can hear your t.v.) They are the same people who ignore and glare at the adorable wonderful girls who sit outside of walmart chanting "would you like to buy some girl scout cookies?" (SHAME ON YOU PEOPLE...girl scout cookies are heavenly) They are the same people who shrug off the perfume tester lady and the sweet salesperson who just want to help and who drive by the lemonade stand without stopping to spend 25 cents on the most tart or watered down lemonade ever but making a 4 year old's day.

As one of my former advisors and a good friend, Kim Bradley, once told me "People don't like to be sold, they like to buy"

I believe this to be oh-so-true but in the same sense, people always assume that you are trying to sell them something. I don't understand the fear of salespeople as I am a salesperson myself. The reason I don't understand this is because unless you are a single, unemployed, person who has never been a babysitter, employee or on a date....you are a salesperson. If you've gone on a job interview, a date or tried to convince some child that the toy they desperately want you to buy them is actually not cool at all...you are a salesperson.

Here is my challenge to you. Next time you encounter a solicitor, salesperson or anyone wanting you to do something that you hadn't planned on doing, here them out. You don't have to agree, you don't have to do it...but you can give them a chance, give them a smile and give them the respect of 20 seconds of your time. And you better stop and give that kid a dollar, even if you don't want the lemonade!

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

holy guacamole...this is one good margarita!

so...summertime is rapidly approaching even though it was 36 degrees on Sunday night.

I've hired a personal trainer and am trying to lose some weight. So far it's slow. Mainly because I keep getting distracted by friends' celebrations and the sweets, carbs and booze that go along with those.

Regardless, our friends Celeste and Vinny had us over last night and introduced us to my favorite new thing about summertime this year....new margarita recipes. I hate margaritas that are so tart you can only have one...whats fun about that? This one was so great, I could've consumed the whole pitcher (thought it best to refrain since it was a Tuesday night)

It sounds wierd, i know...but trust me...they are AWESOME!

Knock You Naked Margaritas

Here's what you need:

12 oz Frozen Limeade Concentrate (available at any grocery store)

12 oz Sprite or carbonated lemon-lime drink of your choice

12 oz Corona

12 oz Tequila

So, a frozen limeade, a can of sprite, a bottle of corona, and tequila (use the empty limeade can to measure out your tequila). Mix it up, break out the margarita salt, and enjoy!

interesting...

I had someone try to teach me this week about being a leader. I had some thoughts of my own but I think these illustrate that point better than my own words. Interpret as you will.

"Mature leaders manage themselves before they attempt to lead others"

"A few daily disciplines: Choosing the difficult right over the easy wrong. Self-understanding. Emotional intelligence. These are the inherent attributes found in the core of the leaders' character."

"The fact that mature leaders should manage themselves before they attempt to lead their people is summarized well by Tony Blair: 'I do not seek unpopularity as a badge of honour, but sometimes it is the price of leadership and the cost of conviction.'"

"Wisely they then surround themselves with people that can compliment both their strengths and weaknesses."

"Mature leaders don't push - they motivate; they don't control - they coach and evoke commitment; they don't dictate - they inspire; they don't prescribe - they stimulate creativity and empowerment."

and my favorite....

"If I say that I'm a leader and no one is following me, I'm not a leader, I'm merely out for a walk!"

Because you can't go looking for followers. I'm sure thats easier than finding the leaders but you're only as good as those you surround yourself with. If you're looking for mediocre, than you're only the best of the worst. Good luck with that.

Monday, April 14, 2008

Horrible and Genius at the same time...

Courtesy of my co-worker, Patrick.

Seriously, try watching this without feeling terrible for this gal. SO funny though.

New Growth

When we moved into our house, there are certain things that we each inherited. (Let the record show that it's actually Ryan's house, he just lets me live there and earn my keep, therefore giving me the right to claim part of it as my own.)

We have done the majority of the work on the house together....not always in perfect harmony but we make a pretty good team. We stripped wallpaper, painted inside and out, bought appliances, replaced fixtures, replaced electrical outlets, replaced switches, tore off the fireplace cover and painted the interior, planted flowerbeds and most recently...replaced ceiling fans.

Although we work together, Ryan is the master at anything electrical and I'm the master of the yard. Ryan can replace just about anything electrical in the house, its pretty dang cool, and I can mow, weed eat, edge, plant and my newest skill...grow!

There are 2 stories from this past weekend:

1) we replaced a cheap chrome looking fan with a simple white one in the office. I hated that fan. It was quick, easy and a good sign of things to come....or so we thought. Next we replaced the brown fan in the living room. Everything was going smoothly until he tried to remove it and realized it was really freakin heavy. I had to help him get it down and it turns out we have a 60lb brown cast iron ceiling fan in our house!! There was no hole with a mounting bracket, just a large hook. So after 2 trips to the hardware store and 6 hours in the attic, Ryan managed to remove the support beam with the hook, install an electrical box and mounting bracket and replace our cast iron fan (worth over $100 used) with our $30 home depot white fan, haha!

2) I inherited a mini garden growing bell peppers when we moved in. Red, Yellow and Green although I seldom got a yellow one to grow completely because the bugs like the sweeter ones. This was the last year for the pepper plant either because I killed it or because it was time for it to go (this is what i'm believing). I've decided to keep it a mini garden and yesterday planted yellow squash, zucchini and celebrity tomato plants!

Here's hoping I have a lush spring and summer and can be known as that girl who has an awesome backyard and great veggies! I think I'm going to see if Central Market will pick up my line of Organic MC's veggies!

Place your orders now!

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

I've been infected!

I've caught it and I didn't even see it coming. The Negativity. It's infectious, ya know?

And it seems to be going around my office right now. That combined with a few feathers being ruffled, egos being challenged and attitudes needing adjustment.

All this on the night of my first personal training session. Thats right, I'm going to be an exercising beauty in oh...about 10 years. I'm very into taking steps to better myself and this is one thats long overdue.

Hopefully tonight my fearless leader will be able to exercise my demons out of my brain and my fat cells out of my a$$.

Wish me luck!

Thursday, April 3, 2008

"Hi My name is Mary and its been an hour since I was violated."

Where to start, are you ready for this? Bear with me as this could be long but definitely worth it!

So being the responsible adult that I am, I decided that since we have a new insurance company thru work and I'm focused on getting and staying healthy this year, I decided to see a doctor today.

Now, it's been 5 years since I've seen a real doctor (i prefer the quick fix of Care Now clinics) and at least 10 years since I've had a physical so it was definitely time. Plus I had a migraine over a week ago for the first time and I have asthma.
I was referred to this doctor by a coworker who also had migraines but this guy is her G.P.

So I arrive 15 min early to fill out paperwork and am greeted by a man in a turbin (sp?) and a family of 12 waiting in the waiting room. It resembles an airport in a foreign country as their are bags everywhere and I can't understand what anyone is saying. The receptionist tells me that they are doing physicals for a family who is going thru the immigration process.

They call me back and take my height/weight (lost 5 lbs, and i'm somehow 1 in. shorter). The dr. comes in and is going over my medical history. He sets his blackberry on the table and asks me a few questions. It goes a little something like this:

dr: hi mary, so glad to have you, how can i help you today? i see you're here for a physical.
mc: yes sir, i haven't had one in years and had what i think was a migraine a few weeks ago and i'm on my last inhaler.
dr: ok great. so when was your last physical
mc: oh probably 10 years ago when i
dr: *interrupting me and speaking into what i thought was his blackberry* new page, subject mary ________, 28 years old, last physical was 10 years ago when she *presses stop* mary, did you go to college?
mc: yes sir, texas tech
dr: went to texas tech period (yes, he said period) and you said you have asthma?
mc: yes, when i exercise
dr: *record* mary has E I Asthma and controls it with....*stop*
mc: albuterol inhaler

This continues for about 20 min. I'm trying to answer his questions, he randomly starts dictating into his little recorder. saying words like "period, return, comma, new paragraph" etc.

He asks me when my last annual was with an OBGYN, I tell him it was over a year ago and he takes me to the lab to do bloodwork.

When I return back to my room the nurse instructs me to take everything off and put on the paper gown (oh-so-stylish). I say to her "everything?" she says "yes".

He comes back in with another nurse and has me lay down so he can turn my head 40 different ways to see if it hurts (it did). tells me i have tension headaches not migraines because of bad posture (great).

This next section all happened in about 25 seconds. He walks to the end of the table and grabs my ankles, picks them up and shoves them toward my hiney, spreads them out and pulls out magic sturrups that apparently came out of his freaky transformer exam table. WHAAAAAAAAT. He spread my knees apart and whips out a speculum. *fuuuuuuuuuuuck* (flashback to the time my OBGYN told me just to imagine that it's a duck bill......wtf?)

Lets go back a second, shall we? I'm here for a physical as I haven't had one in years. Um...does anyone else know of a phyical that involves a speculum??

Okay, so i look over at the nurse with a look of horror in my eyes and she smiles at me. He's now asking me about what I do for a living and other things but at this point I don't remember anything. I think he listened to my breathing and looked in my ears but its all a blur.

He hands me a kleenex box, tells me to get dressed and he'd be back in a minute. Again, no recollection of our conversation after this. I go up to the front desk, hand them my chart and say "can i ask you something? what type of exam did you have me down for today?" she says "well woman exam" i walk out the door.

Note to self: Clarify excessively when scheduling and appointment with your doctor.

I had NO IDEA that general practice doctors could even do that type of exam much less have transformer tables that morph into a woman's worst fear.

they have support groups for people like me, right?

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

"Cooler Than" Tidy Boys

So I have this thing called a blog. I gather that you've heard of it since you're reading this.

I thought I'd take advantage of your attention and tell you the things that I think are just swell. Are they cooler than the flip side of the pillow? Well thats for you to decide.

This week? Boys who are tidy.

Many of you know my boyfriend. I love him. I don't love that he is the one of the messiest people that I know. In 3 days, he can literally cover the floor with junk mail, fill the back of the sofa with dishes and destroy a perfectly clean room.

So boys out there who are tidy....thank you for being you. Teach your friends, pay it forward, and never change!!