Sunday, March 16, 2008

St. Patrick's Day

St. Patrick's Day, a day we celebrate some irish saint who drove all of the snakes out of Ireland. Can you have a more random holiday? Don't get me wrong, I love any excuse to wear shirts with inappropriate sayings, drink green beer, stand around getting wasted and sunburned all day. The latter may not be a traditional portion of St. Patrick's Day but here in Dallas, Texas...it's what we live for. The annual Greenville Avenue St. Patrick's Day Parade. Kinky Friedman and Matthew McHottahay were the past two years grand marshalls and anyone who's anyone is there.


My friends and I always gather at the CVS (formerly Eckerds) parking lot and proceed to act like we're in college again. I've made a fool of myself on several occasions but made even more memories.


This year began with a breakfast at our house complete with mimosas, bloody marys, beer and yards. We took the DART rail and were on the edge of our seats. When we got off the train, we were greeted with the overwhelming stench of urine as we walked past the area of bushes where everyone cops a squat and even saw one classy gal standing and pulling up her thong as she'd finished doing her business.

When we arrived at the parking lot we were greeted by a fairly large green man passed out in a reclining lawn chair. It appeared that he too participated in some urination but failed to pull his pants down first. His dear friends were trying to revive him to no avail. I couldn't find my friends even though they were ten feet away and I finally spotted one of them talking to the cops. He eventually had them laughing and was able to walk away and join the rest of us.


I don't think we saw any of the parade except for the budweiser 18wheelers that drove past a few times but we didn't care. We created pranks that were so funny at the time, I almost peed a little. And on that note, we would each go missing for about 45 minutes when we had to go stand in the mile long lines for the potty.

Later the same green man who greeted us was then trying to stand but decided to pause and vomit all over himself before finding his feet. I'm sure his mother would be proud.


After the parade we walked the three blocks down to the restaurant where we were turned away because of our cooler. We made our way to the next bar and realized we were not going to win the battle. I decided to start selling the beer and as soon as Craig shouted "$2 beers" we were surrounded by a mob of people throwing ones my way. I think it's the closest I'll ever be to a stripper. In less than a minute, we'd sold all but two of our beers and had enough to buy the first round. It was a genius plan. We went to the bar, ate drank and were a very merry group. Craig entertained us on our dart ride home with many a "blood ell, tom" and it was a successful day.


Today we are sore for some reason, sunburned and have a green residue on our necks from the beads. So I just want to say "thank you Saint Patrick" for getting those damn snakes out of Ireland because without you, I wouldn't have that one day in March each year to participate in this ridiculous but fantastic display of alcohol consumption. Cheers! Oh, and does anyone have some advil?

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