Woody

I've always considered my parents to be funny people. In fact, I think that I get my sick and twisted sense of humor from my parents. I learned yesterday that their sick humor has reached a whole new level.

I was talking to my Mom yesterday and she informed me that they are getting a new dog this Friday! Now, thats very exciting news considering their back yard has been very lonely since the Christmas Eve passing of our 16 year old family dog, Rascal. Gus, the 9 year old bear, has been without a playmate this entire time.

When talking about the new family addition with my Mom, she informs me that Woody has some minor medical problems. This is not good news as Rascal had major health issues as he aged and in fact, all of our pets have. (cat with diabetes who needed insulin injections 2x day, my dog with an infected brain growth, rascal with spinal surgery, gus with a thyroid problem, the cat who had to wear a cone for 2 weeks.)

Introducing the newest memeber of the family: Woody! Woody, is a 3 year old black lab with a penis problem. That right people, I'll give you a moment to re-read that last sentence. The many vets in the area discussed doing surgery to repair the Pay-nus (that's penis with a southern accent) but they were afraid that scar tissue would develop and cause other problems.

Apparently, at some point in Woody's 3 years on this earth, he was running and encountered either a sharp metal object or barbed wire fence and injured his schlong. I've been told that it was so severe that now Woody's woody dangles. Mom and Dad are formulating a plan of how to answer my nephews questions on "the pee pee". Personally, I've had so many images in my head, I don't know what to expect when I meet Woody.

So, my wonderful loving and hilarious parents have adopted a dog with a broken wiener and expect that he will be a fantastic new addition to the family. When I asked them if they planned to re-name the dog, my dad said they'd thought of several names, Not-So-Woody, Pecker Head, Wants-A-Woody. After a day or so of pondering this issue, I've decided that Woody just might be the perfect name, the perfect element of ongoing comic relief and I just can't wait to meet him and see the broken wanger. I'll have to resist the urge to take a picture or pee my pants.

Welcome Woody, hows it hangin?